Surprises...

Over the years I have seen it bent to, (what I thought) was the point of no return but, it held strong...
Why, at the end of the day would I be surprised??

Why when I've felt over the years that my affirmations, my buildups, support, love, honesty and friendship were for naught?? All these things have come from, first one and then another and with more importance, it seems... Why would I let myself be surprised when I've 'felt' it time and time again??

Like all other circles in my life, this one is broken...I'm on the outside looking in but, I'm not completely broken .. It is because of this that I became what I became but....My friendship has never been un-wavering... I can have more than one friend in my life....I can listen and hear more than one friend at a time...I don't form nor keep friendships because of what I can get materialistic from, said friendships... I don't have to be the "center of attention"..That is not a pre-requisite for my friendship and love... But, I also don't feel the need to push someone out if they at times feel the need to be in the, 'center'...
So....lesson here is....I need to be concentrating on my own circle...The circle of, ME...Seems to work well for others....Although I have been outspoken, irrational, critical, opinionated etc....I have NEVER put myself first... Bout the time I'd think of doing that, someone would come along and need my support, affirmation, music etc...
I have lots of memories...some good, some bad...some happy, some sad.. I live my life on memories...Glad to have them, such as they are, since looking toward the future is kinda scarey.. I'm a survivor...I'll do it...While others are sucking each other dry, I'll continue to live in my circle... It's not as if noone has ever done it....I just need to learn how not to need those affirmations, love, friendship and honesty.... There are no COMPLETE, SOLID circles....SURPRISE!