I love you Sis...

Phone rings: " Hi Sis"! ( Seen on phone who was calling)

" Hey, what are you doing"?

" Nothing, what are you doing"??

" Going to the Movie with Gavin"..

" Oh, what are you going to see"??

" The Divinci Code"...

" Oh, way cool... I'm sure you will enjoy it"..

" What are you doing tomorrow"??

" Ironing" ( laughter)

" Ironing"??

" Yeah"..

" Well, tomorrow we are haveing a cook out for my graduation and I would like for you to come."

Long pause...

" Sis, I want you to know from my heart, I appreciate it but, I can't... I don't want to cause uncomfortable situations for ...

" Ok"..

" Sis, please know I love you and I just don't want to cause uncomfortable situations for anyone."

" Granny, you won't be causing uncomfortable situations"...

" Sis, yes it would"

" Ok"...

" Sis, please don't be angry or upset with me"...

" I'm not" ...

" How do I believe this"??

" I don't know, just take my word for it"...

"Ok Sis but, I want to see you sometime"...

" I'll call you next weekend and maybe we can do something"...

" Ok, I do want to thank you for the invite honey... I will be there in my heart. I love you."

" I love you too"...

Tears, tears and more tears... I can't tell this young thing that I love so much my true feelings... I can't tell her how much I have been hurt by the Mother that has been so good to her....Can't tell her that I don't ever see myself again at the house her Mother and Stepdad truly don't want me at...
Just have to tell her, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by my presence and that is the truth... In the meantime... I continue to hurt... Hurt so bad that I can't be a bigger part of her celebration...
I will never tell her the hurt I went through for almost a year in a homeless shelter that her Mother choose not to contact or see me.... She is a wonderful Mother and person... Her husband has been a wonderful role model in the home... Good husband, good step-dad...
I'm sure all this will be thrown back on me since I've refused to go today... Noone will take the time to think, why....I will once again be deemed the, 'bad granny' ...So be it...
Can't sleep, can't eat... But... I'll get through this too....